backseat bride

My best friend, Lisa(who I've known for 21 years), is getting married this year. She's been pretty busy and a little stressed out, so I tried to do a few things to help her out. One of the things I did was open accounts on both the Knot and the Wedding Channel for her, so she could get ideas and perhaps chat with other brides to be.

This all seemed like a very good idea until my OCD came back into play. What tragically happened is that I started looking at these sites more than Lisa does. "More than Lisa" is most likely an understatement, because I don't think she's even had time to check them out yet. Then on the other hand you have me, the un-bride, who can't stop going to these sites. I've checked them everyday for the past week. Addicted to the message boards filled with the desperate rants of pre and post brides. I found myself getting fired up over these stories and journals I've been reading. Some of these women are fucking nuts.

It started off pretty harmless, there I was just browsing around looking for recommendations for caterers, but then the next thing I knew 2 hours had passed. I had been clicking link after link after link; reading about how a mother of the groom was mad because there would be a keg at the reception, or how a bridesmaid was pregnant and due around this bride's wedding date and how tacky and thoughtless that bridesmaid was. Many brides wrote about going so far as "demoting" their maid of honor. I was in pure disbelief of these women. I tried to stop myself from reading these stories of practice hair-do appointments, custom made t-shirts, and mint julep votive candle holders but I couldn't, I just kept on reading, my jaw on the floor. I guess since reality TV is so dry right now I needed to go somewhere to get my fix.

The first thing I had to figure out was what everything meant: FI = Fiance (or FH for Future Husband), FIL = Future in Laws, MOH = Maid of Honor, etc.. For some reason it took me a little while to figure them out, I guess I never thought of abbreviating those things, probably because I never had to. I did (and still do) think using BM to refer to your closest friends, your Bridesmaids, is a little uncouth, but I guess when you're a fast and furious bride-to-be you don't have time to type the whole word. Next I realized that the Knot is much more classy than the Wedding Channel, so of course I spent all my time on the Wedding Channel. Then I had to find out how to look at these people's pictures. It wasn't enough to just read about the chair covers for the reception (even though the FI thought they were too pricey), I had to see them. I entered a whole new world. I gazed upon picture after picture of people I don't, and will never, know. Giddy brides at their final fitting, couples shoving cake into each other's mouths, tiaras pinned to piles of curls, cascading flowers hung on pews. Whole wedding albums have been posted. Unbelievable. Then what really floored me was this...

Some of these ladies who post on the boards have already been married for 3 (or more) years, but they continue to talk about their wedding like it was yesterday. It blows my mind that anyone feels this way. I love a wedding as much as the next gal, but this seemed very overboard to me. I suppose my passions lie elsewhere and I always assumed these boards were only used as a tool. But weddings and being a wife (and giving advice on how to do both) seem to be a pretty big deal to these people. Then I started to realize that many of these women had become friends through a support group system and now would go through motherhood together, online. Not only were their wedding albums posted, but now there were pictures of their children. Or if the children were not born yet, pictures of ultrasounds and bellies containing children. Some women have even posted their fertility charts. That's right, I repeat: women on these message boards POST THEIR FERTILITY CHARTS.

and i looked at them.

It seemed so strange to me, all of a sudden I felt like a minority, as if there was this secret bride society no one ever invited me to. Which is okay. I suppose these women find their support where they need to: online. For me... when it comes to things like the details of my wedding day and my ovaries I'd rather keep it a little closer to home. So should I ever have a fertility chart you can bet your bippy you won't be seeing it on this blog.

I went cold turkey today, I broke up with the message boards, and I'm doing just fine. I don't have any signs of wedding withdrawal and now I just hope that Lisa doesn't fall prey to these evil, evil addictive boards.