Tuesday, September 30, 2003

i think i ate too much. that's got to be the worst feeling in the world. okay, maybe not the worst, but it's pretty bad. i feel like i should take a nap... greg suggested i go to the bathroom, sean said "no, greg, that's just a guy thing." i then confessed at how it's a mom thing, too, and told them how my mother would always say "well, just take a book in and try, just try". i laughed, and then my face turned red. embarrassing, yet so funny.

I was talking to Sean today about what a bad kid I was growing up and I think I'm going to take a little time to apoligize to my sister. I beat her up somethin' awful when we were kids, and back then I never felt bad about it, but I sure do now. I can't really remember all the incidents, but I do recall a time when I punched her in the stomach so hard it made her sick, another time I scratched her on each side of her face and she had to go to school with my ugly nail marks on her face. I have vague memories of chasing her with a steak knife. Terrible. When I think about it now it makes me sad, I had so much rage I clearly thought it was okay to treat somebody like that. And the worst part is that she always wanted to talk it through and sometimes wouldn't even fight back. No, the worst part is that I don't ever remember being punished for the things that I did. I'm sorry.
what was I thinking?
Once I got past fighting with my sister I moved on to sassing my mother, always a worthwhile hobby while in 8th grade. I got pretty good at it. I know my mother heard it all, but she did a damn fine job of ignoring it. Except for the day I became princess of the universe. You see, the most important 13 year old in the world simply cannot have a calculator that the whole family has used. It was USED! I needed it for math class, we all had to bring one in, and I refused to be embarrassed by that scratched up thing. It was solar powered, what if the lights went out? It was supposed to have all sorts of neat functions and this was a piece of crap. Just numbers and a display. Was it from Sears? The buttons weren't even big enough, look, I can hit two at the same time, I'll fail math! It didn't even have a name brand. My father would have to take me to get another one when he got home, and since this calculator was the only one at my immediate disposal there was no way I was even going to think about doing my homework. I couldn't do my homework with THAT!
That was the beginning of the end. I stormed up to my room, gleeful that I was victorious and would be receiving a new calculator posthaste. I flopped down on my bed grinning to the ceiling when the red, raging face of my mother suddenly hovered over me. She thrust the calculator in my face and said "This is what you'll be taking to school with you!" I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out, it was then I realized that my mother wasn't hovering over me... she was sitting on me, cutting off my air supply like an anaconda. She went on and on about how that calculator would be only calculator I would ever get and I better hope I don't break or lose it. All I really remember is that I couldn't believe my mother was SITTING ON ME. and she kind of spit when she was shouting.
Sure, I deserved it, I was a total brat. I can't believe my mother never hit me.
After the incident I took a safety pin and carved my initials in the metal face of that calculator, even though it was still the "family" calculator, that would show them.
I got in trouble for that, too.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

and so another week goes by and I realize that I still don't have a routine down. I want to get up early and do pilates, make a healthy lunch to take to work, have a productive day at work, come home, have a nice dinner, do something relaxing and then go to bed at a reasonable hour. Actually, after putting that in writing it doesn't look so appealing, but neither does what I'm actually doing... which is spending a lot of time just sitting in bed thinking about what I should be doing, watching too much TV and going to bed way too late. I guess I should give it a little more time, it's only been 3 weeks at the new job and I still get cranky about that commute.
I actually spent a lot of last week angry, mostly because I had a cold, I did a fair amount of belly aching about how miserable my life is. I feel better today and with the tell tale sign of the end of a cold, the always elegant peeling nose, I think that I should note some things that make me feel happy, because I shouldn't spend any more time being negative.

* the fact that my cat doesn't know how to meow, but opens his mouth like he's trying
* the man at the toll booth who wears novelty glasses and always asks if you need a receipt
* Alex
* mashed potatoes
* Jack Black
* clean sheets
* Puffs Plus tissues with lotion
* packages from my Mom, especially when I'm not expecting them
* Old Navy pajama bottoms
* pictures of my nephew
* living close to the ocean
* shoes
* tomatoes and basil from our porch garden

there, I feel better now.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Apparently my new hobby is completely over scheduling myself in my free time. And I kick ass at it because last week I booked so much to do that I'm a little dizzy on the recovery and I may be a little dehydrated.
I guess I figure if I have to sit in a car for about 2 hours everyday I should fill in every cranny of free time with FUN. That's right, you heard me, I said that I AM GOING TO HAVE FUN.

So last weekend... it wouldn't be a weekend if I didn't kick it off by wasting all my hard earned money on meals out that I can't afford. Friday night it was Montero's with Alex, Max and Julianne. A good time and good food (and lots of it) was had by all. Although those chips tend to be a bit greeeezy and Max had to take one for the team... he went to the restroom and got paper towels because the wait staff simply couldn't get any napkins to us for the first 20 minutes we sat there. They pretty were busy, it was Salsa Dance Night, after all. I ate way too much food and then we hung out at M and J's place. Somehow we ended up watching all the different shopping networks you can get with the dish and it turned out to be pretty hilarious. This was my favorite item.

Saturday was the YABA treasure hunt with RM and our other team members Amy and Cort (we were "4 Angry Monkeys"). Greg and I took the BART in together, but he was in a whole other league, so we made it a point not to speak to each other once we arrived. Actually we lost each other in a sea of 300 or so people. From the administrative side of the race I would say it was a disaster, but the puzzles were fun... at least the ones that we got to. I could go in to great and many details about the race, but because I haven't written in a week and I know I'm headed for major finger crampage already I'll just sum it up: we solved some puzzles, some that were kind of hard, then we walked. We walked a lot. We walked all over San Francisco and messed up a few times, so we walked some more. And then we were at the halfway point. Where they gave us more puzzles, which meant more walking. Here's where my massive over scheduling hurt me; I had to be home at 6pm to go to opening night of Much Ado About Nothing... when we reached the halfway point it was about 3:30. The race ended at 5, so we still had a fighting chance. Okay, I didn't really think that, but I did want to finish the race out. Alas, I stranded my team members (but they were okay with it) at Embarcadero and took BART home. I'm not sure how we did, but considering it was my first one of these thingies I felt pretty good about making it halfway. I had a more fun than I thought I would and I liked being an Angry Monkey for the day.

Then it was home to shower and go to CalShakes. Sara, who is in the show, is staying with us and her boyfriend flew in from Alaska, so we had a merry little group of me, Alex, Jeff (the boyfriend) and Rachel (mutual friend to me and Jeff). I like CalShakes because you're outside, and we were fortunate enough to have some fab weather. But I also like it because you can bring your own supplies and eat and drink before, and during, the show. It's pretty great to be able to have a nice bottle of wine while you enjoy a show. I won't say a lot about the show, because mama always says that if you don' have something nice to say don't say anything at all. No, it wasn't bad and there were some super performances, but it wasn't my cup o' tea. We hung out afterwards and schmoozed a little, you know, the opening night kind of schmoozing, and then home again home again jiggity-jig.

Sunday I drove Alex to work/school at 8:30am, always the prompt student, and then gave Wil a call to see what he was up to. Brunch in the city it was. So I crossed the bridge and ate a deee-licious salsa omelet at Kate's Kitchen and then somehow ended up spending the rest of the day in the city. IĆ¢€™m glad I had a sweatshirt on (by default, you see, I had never really gotten dressed that day, my outfit was a variation on my pajamas) because our last stop turned out to be Comedy Day in Golden Gate Park. Even though the rest of the city was sunny and warm, the park was fogged in and we were freezing our bippies off while sitting on the wet grass without even a towel. I need to know when I'm going to attend one of these events, because I'm a planner by nature and instead of enjoying the comedy (which was hard with some of those warm up comics) I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I could have brought with me. I was also thinking "can anyone tell these are my pajamas?" all day, but as it turns out when you walk around on Haight street no one really gives a shit. Finally at around 3:00 I decided it was time to go home, because my ass was wet, I was pretty darn cold and I wasn't even laughing that much. Did I mention that one of the comedians was the woman who does the Pine Sol ads? yep, it's true. I went home, picked up Alex, we got some Chinese food from our favorite place and had a nice dinner with Sara and Jeff. wheh, what a weekend.

The beginning of the week goes something like: drive, work, drive, eat, sleep. Repeat as necessary. Wednesday was kind of fun because I went to the opening of Les Liaisons Dangereuses at A.C.T.. I also got lost while driving into the city. That kind of sucked, but on the up-side of getting lost goes a little something like this: Wil directed me (via cell phone, yes, it was hands free) to some cheap parking and I realized I knew where I was at one point because I had been there during YABA. See, my week is coming full circle. I wasn't crazy about the show at ACT, that's two in a row, is this why I left theatre? The ironic thing is I've seen more theatre in the past week than I did for the last two years, when I was working in one.

Thursday is always exciting... when it's the season premiere of Survivor! And everyone can give me crap if they want, but I don't care what they say, Survivor rocks and I'm going to watch it until Jeff Probst shrivels up and dies.

Friday... which now means the end of the week to me, opposed to my last job, when I was on call all the time, and Friday meant nothing. Greg and I carpooled to work, which was nice, because my voice is starting to get a little hoarse from singing like a rock star on my way to and fro work. Friday evening Alex and I met up with Mike, who always makes me laugh, at the Albatross. We had a few beers, thought about playing darts, Greg joined us with his super cool dog and we laughed a lot.

This Saturday was a day to relax, Alex and I got up at 10:30, ate breakfast, read the paper, gave the cat a bath (okay, maybe that wasn't too relaxing), and then did some window shopping. A much needed day together. RM and Greg came over later on and we drank wine, played games and ate Chinese food. We even pondered the possibility of Bingo again... I don't think I can avoid it forever.

Today is a day to clean. Now that's what I'm talking about, I think I'm back in the rut once again, and maybe I don't mind so much.

So even though I thought I did myself a huge disservice by packing my schedule so tight for a week that I couldn't even zip it up, I had a great time and I have no regrets with my choice of leaving my last job. I'm starting to like it out here, and that feels nice for a change.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

welcome to the working week...
I guess it takes a lot more out of me than I remember. And gosh, I only was out of work for five weeks. Any longer and I just should have retired, because this work week is wearing me thin. I gotta get back into the groove. The 45 minute commute (each way) isn't something to write home about (although I can rock out and fantasize about how fab I would be at karaoke). After 45 minutes in the rattling Saturn I'm faced with training for a job that has never existed, so no one really knows/wants to train me. I kind of feel like I'm "self-training". And this is the third job in a row where I've had to do this. I was thinking that my skin got thick enough after the first two times that this time shouldn't really stun me, but I'm down for the count. The challenge has proved to be worthy, and I won't be defeated, but I could use a cheerleader. Or a mascot.
On the positive side: OFFICE SUPPLIES! I can go into a room (that's right, not a closet, a whole room) and get whatever sort of office supplies I want. No, I'm not joking. Tammy took me down there and I was a little modist to start out, but once she got a box for me and started throwing stuff in herself there was no stopping me. I was on a roll. And that was only Monday. I resisted going back down there on Wednesday, because twice on Tuesday felt a little shameful. But there I was again today. What!? I needed binders, which, by the way, are not in the supply room, it's a whole seperate location. I have no shame when it comes to a Sharpie and a nice legal pad.

So working isn't so bad, I'm liking it and I think I'll keep going in. I mean, what the hell, they're gonna pay me, right?


My boss told me I look "over enthusiastic" in my ID picture. I can think of a handful of things that might be worse.

Sunday, September 07, 2003

Yesterday Alex and I drove over to SCRAP to check out what kind of junk we could get. We walked out empty handed, but had a lot of fun looking around at stuff. It was a little overwhelming, mostly because I didn't even have a project in mind. So we spent about a hour in there poking around at carpet samples and busted tiles. Then we drove around the city, thinking we might give Chinatown a shot, but came to find out that there was some sort of festival going on and parking was a bitch. It was too bad we didn't think to take the BART because it looked like a lot of fun. I really wanted to go to Chinatown because they have this kick-ass (illegal)chalk that keeps those t-tiny ants away. I love the chalk, sorry EPA, I'm gonna keep using this stuff. One time I saw a trail of ants getting bigger and closer to the porch door leading into the kitchen, so I thought I should nip it in the bud. I drew a semi-circle around the corner all the ants were coming from and then wrote "ant free zone". Okay, maybe that was a little on the malicious side. The next day I was watering the plants and was surprised to find mass carnage within my witty semi-circle. I felt terrible. It always felt okay to get 'em when they were near the cat food on in my stuff, but this was pointless and I felt bad for at least seven minutes.
So no Chinatown or miraculous insecticide chalk for us on Saturday, but we did end up driving to Russian Hill to have a little lunch and then we were back home to do a big bunch of nothing. Watched some bad TV and thought about going to a movie. Sometimes you just have lounge.

Saturday, September 06, 2003

My last official day of unemployment wasn't a complete bust with thanks to some of my friends. Mostly RM, who called me on Thursday and asked if we should do something on Friday.
I started my day with a slice of pizza, a cup o' coffee and the news and cartoons of the SF Chronicle, then I thought about doing laundry, but didn't. Finally took a shower and headed out for lunch with Julianne and Max. We met up at la Mediterrane, which is one of my favorites. Although, I must admit, that nothing can beat a cheeseburger and coffee for lunch, I would eat it everyday if I could, but that would be disgusting. After lunch I came home and did the dishes, which I hadn’t done all week. Those ones at the bottom of the pile were really gross. I also got rid of that left over salmon from a few weeks ago and some moldy cheese. Awesome.
Then RM called from the BART, I went to pick him up and got stuck behind this really old dude who, of course, was picking up his wife at the same BART stop. I did some deep breathing to relax myself and kept the road rage under control. Unlike the other day when I decided that it was appropriate to honk and shout out "what’s your damage?!" to someone who apparently was learning how to drive. sorry ‘bout that. RM and I couldn't decide what movie to see, and ended up seeing Thirteen. I knew the film wouldn’t be uplifting, but I wasn’t expecting that. The performances were great, but I thought the downward spiral was little too deep and I didn’t have enough time to recover. I also thought they drove the same point home a little too much. Not a good choice for a "summer movie", but no one claimed that it would be, so perhaps we should have gone with Uptown Girls. Or would that have been more depressing?
RM was into the idea of Bingo and for some reason that scared me. Maybe because I can’t see in the windows of the bingo parlor, maybe because I never see anyone go in or out or maybe because they take Visa and MasterCard. I had this picture of us walking in there and all these old ladies would start laughing at us, wondering what these whipper snappers wanted anyways? What are we doing on their turf. It would be like a gang war. but safety in numbers… there would be four of us, me, RM, Alex and Greg, would that be enough?
Alex was home when we got back from the movie and Greg joined us later. We ate, thought about bingo, and then ended up playing some of the board games that Greg keeps in his car. That’s what I love about Greg (among other things… like getting me a job), he keeps games in his car. We played two train games, RM winning most, if not all of the time. It was a nice way to end my month of nothing.
I have to admit, thinking about it today, I’m a little sad that we bailed on the bingo.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Okay. I got another job, so the month off is over and I welcome the work week back into my life. There are only so many things I can search on Google, I’m ready to be productive for pay.

my last official day off is tomorrow… what should I do? I’m sure that something uneventful will take place. I can count on me for that.

I found myself watching Oprah today. I try really hard not to do that, because I’m not a fan, and frankly her fans kind of scare me. Oprah has become an industry and that bothers me. Does she have to be on the cover of her magazine every month? Perhaps that’s what sells it, but I don’t see the draw. I also get irritated when I want to buy a book and it has that lame “O” of approval on it. I’m glad Oprah got everyone reading more, but the seal of approval isn’t what makes me buy it. A few years ago I bought I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb and after riding the train a few times with it I realized that I was embarrassed and needed to cover my O of shame. I chose to use a sticker of a smiling strawberry and blueberry holding hands, for some reason I thought that this would be better than the golden O. Anyways, the show today was a handful of inspiring weight loss stories. Some people had lost 300 pounds. Incredible. I was forced to watch it because I was in awe of the success of these people. And all these people thanked Oprah because she inspired them to lose the weight, so can she really be that bad? I have to admit that I shed a tear or two, but when I saw Oprah cry I thought “Oh, cut it out, you’re so full of crap!” But then I realized… maybe I’m too hard on Oprah, deep inside that one woman industry is another weight loss success story, and maybe she remembers the pain. So I’ll let my grudge go (for today), but I won’t take that sticker off my book.

whoa, if I'm not mistaken that was an earthquake.

Usually my cat gives me a swift hit to the face when an earthquake is on the way, but he was still sleeping this time. I guess he’s getting to old to be the natural disaster patrol. When we lived in LA he was always ready, I could depend on him to wake me from a sound sleep.
I have the wacky news station on in the background, and it’s pretty funny because they’re trying to make the most of this and asking people to call in. So far it’s been 6 old women saying that they were lying in bed reading and they thought a truck was going down the street. “No, nothing fell off the walls, no, I didn’t hear anything.” Perhaps they should get back to the news, after all Ah-nold had a new ad air today... doesn't anyone want to talk about that?