i think i ate too much. that's got to be the worst feeling in the world. okay, maybe not the worst, but it's pretty bad. i feel like i should take a nap... greg suggested i go to the bathroom, sean said "no, greg, that's just a guy thing." i then confessed at how it's a mom thing, too, and told them how my mother would always say "well, just take a book in and try, just try". i laughed, and then my face turned red. embarrassing, yet so funny.

I was talking to Sean today about what a bad kid I was growing up and I think I'm going to take a little time to apoligize to my sister. I beat her up somethin' awful when we were kids, and back then I never felt bad about it, but I sure do now. I can't really remember all the incidents, but I do recall a time when I punched her in the stomach so hard it made her sick, another time I scratched her on each side of her face and she had to go to school with my ugly nail marks on her face. I have vague memories of chasing her with a steak knife. Terrible. When I think about it now it makes me sad, I had so much rage I clearly thought it was okay to treat somebody like that. And the worst part is that she always wanted to talk it through and sometimes wouldn't even fight back. No, the worst part is that I don't ever remember being punished for the things that I did. I'm sorry.
what was I thinking?
Once I got past fighting with my sister I moved on to sassing my mother, always a worthwhile hobby while in 8th grade. I got pretty good at it. I know my mother heard it all, but she did a damn fine job of ignoring it. Except for the day I became princess of the universe. You see, the most important 13 year old in the world simply cannot have a calculator that the whole family has used. It was USED! I needed it for math class, we all had to bring one in, and I refused to be embarrassed by that scratched up thing. It was solar powered, what if the lights went out? It was supposed to have all sorts of neat functions and this was a piece of crap. Just numbers and a display. Was it from Sears? The buttons weren't even big enough, look, I can hit two at the same time, I'll fail math! It didn't even have a name brand. My father would have to take me to get another one when he got home, and since this calculator was the only one at my immediate disposal there was no way I was even going to think about doing my homework. I couldn't do my homework with THAT!
That was the beginning of the end. I stormed up to my room, gleeful that I was victorious and would be receiving a new calculator posthaste. I flopped down on my bed grinning to the ceiling when the red, raging face of my mother suddenly hovered over me. She thrust the calculator in my face and said "This is what you'll be taking to school with you!" I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out, it was then I realized that my mother wasn't hovering over me... she was sitting on me, cutting off my air supply like an anaconda. She went on and on about how that calculator would be only calculator I would ever get and I better hope I don't break or lose it. All I really remember is that I couldn't believe my mother was SITTING ON ME. and she kind of spit when she was shouting.
Sure, I deserved it, I was a total brat. I can't believe my mother never hit me.
After the incident I took a safety pin and carved my initials in the metal face of that calculator, even though it was still the "family" calculator, that would show them.
I got in trouble for that, too.