an open letter to everyone I share the road with

Dear friends on the 880 and 92,
This summer was great, wasn't it? With many of our colleagues taking vacations and working shorter days we all had a breezy time getting into and out of work for the past three months. But now that school has started again we seem to have reached a point of congestion and irritation which is starting to get a little uncomfortable. I know we all have to use these roads, so what better time than now to pitch in and work together? Let's make our mornings and evenings fun again.

To all the beautiful people: Your hair and face look great, really. But I feel that I should tell you that the car manufacturer didn't put that mirror there for personal grooming. It's actually there so you can see what's going on behind you. And I know there's a lot of pressure on you to look just right when you enter the office, but might I suggest you either put that mascara on before you leave the house or in the parking lot of your office. You may want to consider carpooling. Then you can feel free to get all sorts of purdy in the passenger's seat (if you're not driving). I only make this suggestion because I like to travel a little faster than 45 mph in the high speed lane.

To the SUV drivers: I know those sticks, empty plastic bags or even unfolded cardboard boxes lying flat in the road can seem a bit daunting, but here's where your big car is exciting and useful. It is not necessary to come to a full stop or swerve into another lane, your oversized vehicle actually enables you to drive over these types of things.

You have a classic car: Good for you! Indeed, people do love to slow down and look at your car, and what a beauty it is. However, the left lane on the freeway at rush hour is not the most appropriate place to showcase your golden oldie at 50 mph.

Don't be a tease: If you put your directional on you better mean it. Here I am getting excited that you're getting all up in my lane and then you slow down. Is that any way to treat a girl?

To the non-wavers: You know who you are. Remember me, I slowed down to let you escape the line behind the accident? For gosh sakes, if I hadn't waved you in you could have been stuck there for another 15 minutes. The least you could do is flail your arm around to acknowledge me.

So let's put an end to all this douchebaggery and enjoy each other's company again.
Thanks!
Love,
bad hair lady in the dirty black Matrix